Romance can be a powerful turn-on. Sometimes, we get caught up in the drama, intensity and the physicality of sex and we forget to enjoy the sensuality of the experience.
Let's look at some ways to have fun with sex, to relax with romance. Yes, it's candlelit dinners, sexy nightwear and slow dancing, but more importantly, it's also an attitude, a mood, a feeling.
Go ahead — try some of these ideas and learn to like pampering yourself and your lover.
The setting for romance is vitally important. While sex is often more exciting in inappropriate and awkward places, this is never true for romance. The more luxurious and comfortable the physical setting, the more lovers can relax — and this makes for better sex. If you're uncomfortable, you want to get it over and done with quickly, but for prolonged and pleasurable love-making, a soft bed or sofa, satiny covers and big fluffy cushions are the order of the day.
Take some trouble over planning the evening. Be aware of colors as some are more soothing than others, such as blue for instance. Red is for passion! Design a setting that expresses what you want for the occasion.
Burn incense or spray some expensive perfume around the room. Surround the room with flowers in fancy arrangements or sprinkle rose petals onto the bed. Leave tiny gifts for your partner in hidden places. Make the whole experience an adventure. It's not what you do or spend that's important, but the caring you put into the preparation.
Feelings are the most important element for romance. There are the feelings that you bring into the room in the first place. You may be a long-time married couple, new lovers or almost strangers, so these will vary. But there will also be new feelings that have been created during the evening. Gentleness is a vital quality. Romance cannot be hurried. Everything that happens during the time spent together needs to unfold at its own pace. Don't force anything. Enjoy every minute of the journey. There may be some tension at the beginning and that's where the tips for relaxation come in. Feelings cannot flourish if the lovers are tense and the atmosphere strained.
Once a romantic mood is created, there are many other ways to enjoy each other and further indulge the senses. My suggestions may be additions, alternatives, or afters — it's up to you. So many people just make love and then go straight to sleep without sampling the hundreds of pleasurable extras that are available.
This romantic and sensual aura doesn't always have to accompany love-making. In fact, it's probably more enjoyable as an irregular treat.
Two things are highly recommended — massage and aromatherapy. These work in very well together. Aromatherapy is literally therapy which uses the sense of smell. This is achieved by applying a range of essential oils, such as lavender and rosemary, to various parts of the body. For romantic purposes, you want the beneficial qualities to come through, which add a further dimension to the loving, touching experience.
Sex therapists often recommend reciprocal massage be used as an altemative to intercourse from time to time, as it brings couples back to the sensual enjoyment of each other and away from genital focus. Of course, mutual masturbation can form part of the massage experience, or even lead to the climax.
Keep in mind that romance and sexuality need to appeal to the senses so let that be your overall theme for the occasion. Food is another very important area. It's not just the fact that you might be eating a meal as part of the proceedings; it's the type of food and the way it's presented that will either enhance or detract from the atmosphere you've created. Food is a very sensual feature of life and some foods are 'sexier' than others. There's nothing very sexy about a cauliflower or a yam, but asparagus, strawberries and seafood are known aphrodisiacs. It could be because we use our fingers to eat these foods and they're cool and delicious, or it could be because they're considered luxury foods that add to the specialness of the meal. Fruit is also excellent, especially grapes, peaches and melon. Chocolates are a delicious way to end the meal, especially if fed to each other.
My feeling about the food for a romantic meal is that it should be less, luscious, and luxurious. If I were planning the food for a romantic occasion, I would not offer an entire meal, as who wants to make love on a full stomach? I would have lots of little expensive nibbles rather than something you would eat normally, like steak or a casserole. It's also much nicer if you eat informally. A candlelit dinner at the table is wonderful but, for a change, why not help yourselves off a large server while reclining on a sofa, or on a rug in front of an open fire?
Some people like to eat in bed and others don't, but that would seem to be the next obvious destination for lovers, together with a fresh bottle of champagne and whatever food is left. That's another good reason not to overeat — there's nothing more off-putting than a whole pile of dirty dishes and leftovers.
After all this, it would be difficult not to be relaxed and, if you're ready, you can move straight into love-making. If not, there are still many ways to stay in foreplay mode.
Bathing together is a must, preferably a bath with lots of scented oils, delicate soaps and soft sponges for maximum pleasure. If you don't have a bath, shower together and, for once, forget about conserving water. Take your time, wash each other, touch lovingly. By all means have sex in the shower if you wish, or just enjoy it as a prelude to love-making.
This extra effort to create romance goes a long way towards keeping established relationships fresh, and new lovers need variety because they're in bed so much! Take the time to be romantic as well as sexy, relaxed as well as turned-on.
If you're single, what's wrong with preparing a romantic interlude for yourself, with candles, luscious food and your favorite music? Afterwards, you can take yourself off to bed; after all, masturbation is an expression of self-love and it can be made more enjoyable if accompanied by all the special trappings you would normally share with a lover.