IT’S SUMMER, the sun is blazing down, and it’s nice and hot. Or is it too hot?
Take our simple test to find out when you should be ‘loving’ the sweltering heat or whining.
You’re walking down the road. Are you currently
A) Smiling, cheerily greeting strangers, enjoying the warm of the beams and the dappled shadows of the plane trees.
B) Sweating like a bastard, swearing in the chugging diesel engine of an noodle taxi, and fanning yourself with a duplicate of the Metro.
A) By simply taking a train or bus, either is fine and you are able to read a book along the way.
B) Through a lifetime of suffering in Hell.
A) A typical office with coworkers that perhaps can be a little bothersome but mean well, and you love a laugh together.
B) A unbearable slow-roasting oven with just the company of other melting, red-faced mutes and their overactive sweat glands.
What do you have for lunch?
A) Something light, perhaps a salad, and a brewed coffee sitting outside soaking up sunlight like a blossom.
B) A box of ten rocket lollies.
Your spouse touches their skin. Do you
A) Lean into them, enjoying the closeness, and perhaps share a lingering kiss.
B) Swat their filthy, sticky flesh off while screeching “Stay in your fucking side of the sofa, imagine there is a line in the midst”.
A) Just like a kid, nestled beneath the duvet with a loved one, comfy and cuddled all the night through.
B) By 4am to 6am, sitting upright on the sofa, staring at the flickering television screen with the haunted eyes of this soul that is lost.
Mostly A’s: It is lovely and hot, perfect weather for a barbecue in the garden or bottle of wine onto the balcony. Anyone complaining about it is a miserable killjoy.
Mostly B: It is much too fucking hot. Screw this. You don’t understand how anyone could stand this.